Cool Water
by SexyMary
Summary: Susan post train accident.
1. Rain

Rain

A light rain pattered against the window. Washing way the harsh summer heart and leaving, as a gift to all, a sweet, refreshing scent.

Lucy wished that her sister would step out into that renewing rain. Let it clear off her make up that hid the gentle queen from view, and wash down her hair that she trapped in fake curls and pins.

Instead, Susan moved about the room searching for and umbrella in order to protect her appearance which, in Lucy's opinion she had taken far more time than one should spend on such a frivolous thing. Even when she was queen it did not take so long to make oneself impressive. In fact Lucy found that the less time her sister spent, the more beautiful and regal she was. But what did a 'silly little girl' know? As Susan would tell her whenever she voiced her opinion.

In another life, Susan would listen carefully to her sister. She would accept advice and criticism freely, considering it carefully. But that woman, that queen was slowly disappearing and fast becoming a stranger. A stranger who hid her beautiful, sun kissed face beneath pale make up, taking the light and life from her face. Who laughed almost scornfully and called Lucy silly. Who could, one moment be that kind and gentle queen, and in the next breath become condescending. Who knew nothing of Narnia. this hurt Lucy more than anything.

Had Lucy not such a kind and loving heart she would have hid the umbrella from her sister, and force the ridiculous girl to either stay home or brave the rain without it, as she was very tempted to do. Lucky for Susan though, her younger sister had never been so cruel. Susan seemed to enjoy parties and her beau made her smile, which had not happened often since their return. Wanting her sister to be happy, no matter how much it pain her, Lucy handed over the sought after umbrella, albeit reluctantly.

She accepted and hug and kiss goodbye from her sister and watched, crest fallen, as she very carefully walked out the door, ever mindful of her beautiful façade, and it broke Lucy's steadfast heart.


	2. Shine

Shine

The last boarding call came, and Lucy tried to stifle her disappointment. Time had run out, and now she had no choice but to give up and board the train with her brothers. All were silent, conscious of their missing piece who stubbornly refused to come. Refused to heed the call, the insistent tugging of that land that they all held dear to their hearts, their _home. _Narnia needed them, _all _of them.

The train pulled from the station and carried them on toward their destiny.

--

The rain had stopped and the sun had come out, shining it bright happy face for all. Susan sighed happily, enjoying the nice change in weather. Her and her friends now sat outside, chattering, giggling, and gossiping.

Her life for once seemed to be falling into place quite nicely. She was eagerly accepted into high society, and made plenty of friends quite easily, earning herself invitations to all the important parties. And now, Harold, a well-to-do son of a banker, had asked her to marry him. In just three short weeks she would be Mrs. Larsen. They would move it to the gorgeous house he had recently bought, have two beautiful children, and live happily ever after. Her mother was so proud of her and she was the envy of every girl her age.

The only dampener on her life right now were her siblings. After they had returned home from the country, all four had been close, rarely leaving each others company. It was to be expected, the war had either made families close, or completely ripped them apart. But, afterwards, she had somehow lost that closeness with them. She was so jealous that the other three had remained so close, and let her fall away from them. The only thing more she wanted in her life was to regain that companionship with them. But they seemed to blame her for their lost familiarity, but every time she tried to repair their relationship, it was them that insisted on being childish. Speaking of fairytales as if they were truth. Honestly!

Winifred suddenly pulled out a piece of paper from Susan's purse pulling susan from her reflections.

"What are you doing?" she asked

Winifred laughed, and held up a trian ticket for everyone to see. "My darling Susan, I believe you have missed you train by at least an hour and a half!" Susan stared at her confused, why would she have a train ticket? Realization dawned, and her mouth formed a silent 'oh'.

Lucy had found her last night, asking quietly to speak with her. "I know that you don't believe anymore but I-If at all you feel the need. I want you to join us tomorrow on the train. We're needed again Susan, _all_ of us."

Susan had laugh gently and called her sister silly. Lucy looked hurt, but didn't say anything, she timidly left the ticket on the dresser and left, glancing back sadly.

All night Susan had been tortured by a nagging sense that she was forgetting something important. She had checked over all her plans for her wedding twice, but everything was as it should have been. still, no matter what she did she couldn't shake the feeling, even as she sat laughing with friends, it harassed at her.

That morning when she had left the house, she found herself walking back in, and up to her room to grab the ticket. Then she had found herself walking toward the station, which was in the opposite direction she had intended to travel. She had to forcefully push back that insistent feeling and force herself to leave, so as not to miss her appointment with the wedding planner.

"My family is going out to the country for awhile, they wanted me to join them, but I just have so much to do with the wedding."

The girls around her accepted that and said no more on the matter. The ticket was put to the side and forgotten and they began to speak excitedly about the wedding. Susan glanced at the paper where it lay. For some reason, it seemed so alone, as if it longed to be with the other tickets that belonged to her family, just like she longed to be with them. She shook her head, how ridiculous! A peace of _paper _getting lonely? Nonsense!

She smiled at her friends and joined in on the joyous talk, but her hand, with out asking her permission, clutched the ticket tightly.

--

An hour passed, with much laughter, teasing, and joy, all other cares in the world forgotten. Suddenly everyone fell silent, still bareing smile and stifling laughter, focusing on something directly behind Susan. Curious she turned and a bright smile lit up her face. There stood a tall and very handsome man. He had chocolate brown hair and eyes to match, and was dressed a finely tailored suit.

"Darling! Come join us, it such a lovely day." Susan called out to him cheerfully. But he merely stared at her mutely. Susan looked closer at the man she was to marry. Usually he would smile sweetly and make some smart joke about women. Her smile slowly faded as she took in his grey face and cold, sad eyes that gazed directly at her. Something was terribly wrong. He breath caught in her throat, and the words formed in her thoughts before he ever uttered a sound, she knew exactly what had happened.

"T-there's been an a-accident…"


	3. flow

_All day I face the barren waste without the taste of water,_

The city flew past her in a wild blur. she saw nothing. she heard nothing. there was only the need to go, to move the need for her. She was needed though she knew not where nor what for, only that she had to get there. Her feet carried her swiftly through the streets; they seemed to know what to do far better than she did at the moment. Without hesitating they had slipped off they're uncomfortable shoes and sprang forward, ignoring the calls of her friends and fiancé.

_cool water_

She stopped.

There was smoke, she could smell it, and people yelling, screaming, crying. She had missed it. She was supposed to be there; wherever there was. But she'd failed. She feet seemed also to run out of answers, and despaired giving out from under her. She fell, and even though strong welcoming arms caught her, she continued to fall. loss gripped at her. A loss far older and more grievous than this day. It was peaceful green eyes that caught her then, and shared with her a small part of the serenity.

--

She woke, holding a small glimpse of peace within her heart that she could not explain. A name on the tip of her tongue which if utter aloud could give strength. But it was gone before she could dwell on it too deeply, like a wisp of a dream.

There was a cool damp, rag pressed gently against her forehead. She looked up to find the eyes of Edmund staring at her. And yet it was not her little brother before her but rather the pale, worried face of her mother. Those eyes were broken and red, sad beyond all measure.

She sat up quickly letting the rag fall, forgotten to the floor, and gathered her mother into her arms. The woman broke down with heart wrenching sobs. Her tears flowed like a rushing river.

_Old Dan and I with throats burned dry and souls that cry for water_

Susan found herself surprisingly jealous of her mother. No tears burned behind her eyes her eyes, no regret burned in her stomach. In fact she could think of a thousand reasons why she wanted them to be gone. No Lucy talking endlessly about fauns and unicorns, and then annoyingly bursting into tears when Susan reminded her of the real world. No Edmund to throw her looks of disappointment and disapproval. No peter gently trying to remind her of something that they all seemed to agree that she had forgotten. Something so obviously important that she was foolish to forget.

Her thoughts disturbed her. She tried desperately to call up some happy memory of the four of them. After the war perhaps, when they would all sleep in the same room, staying up late talking. What would they talk about? Susan's heart fell. She couldn't remember! All that came to mind were bitter, tense moments between her and them. And arguments over silly nonsense.

_cool water_

No tears came. She wanted them to so bad! She wanted to cry, lean into her mother and share in her grief. Crying felt _good_, it was comforting.

She held her mother close, rubbing a soothing hand along her back. Al the while searching with in herself for…_something. _Something that she had buried long ago. Something which she knew would open the door and allow refreshing tears to bubble up like a spring. But, whatever it was, remained allusive and no tears came.

--

Strong, they called her. Took care of everything, like a responsible daughter. Arranged the funnel, ordered the flowers, and comforted her mother. She did not cry, nor collapse with intense sorrow. She merely thanked everyone for her sympathy, and accepted condolences. Her melancholy eyes and sad smiles touched the hearts of those she knew. "What a brave girl" they would say.

She moved on, muddling through every difficulty that came. Her joyous wedding was pushed back. And when her mother fell ill, she pushed back her new life once more to care for her. To the world she worked tirelessly, sacrificing for those around her, and never once complaining.

Her mother passed silently in her sleep, gone to join her children leaving susan alone. Others quietly sighed with relief for the young woman, all burdens were now gone it seemed and they watched and waited for that day to come when she could be happy again.

Three years drifted by slowly, but steady as a stream for Susan. Finally her wedding date had been set. Joy seeped back into the world again. Everyone celebrated the young couple that would be married the next day. Susan however, could not bring herself to be completely happy. Something was missing, and she was determined to find out what it was.

That night found her upon the steps of her soon to be home, gazing absently at the front door. The street was empty and the lights within the house had all been extinguished. The night was quiet, and strangely comforting to her. She left her apologetic letter on the doorstep, then turned and left, never one looking back.

She did however stop when she came to the end of the walk. Green eyes confronted her own from across the street. There stood a man dress nicely, with golden hair and a regal stature. She vaguely thought of Peter as she recovered from her surprise at meeting someone at such a late hour.

_Dan can't you see that big green tree where the waters runnin' free_

She astounded herself as she offered a genuine smile to the man, who nodded in return, eyes never leaving her own. She turned and continued along her way, all the while feeling the green eyes following her.

_and it's waiting there for me and you.  
_

A fresh spring rain began to fall on her shoulders and with each step she found assurance and security growing within her. She reveled in the long forgotten comfort as the train pulled from the station, carrying her toward her destiny.

_Water, cool water._


End file.
